Over the years I have asked this question to many pastors, non-profit leaders and volunteers who are involved in the lives of those they serve. The usual response is “Oh…we have a great relationship with our clients.”

I often ask them to tell me about it and here are several things often included in the list:

• I know them and their kids
• I stop by their house on a regular basis
• I know where they work
• I know what they like and don’t like
• I know what they struggle with
• I have their number in my cell phone
• I just love our clients

In the loosest definition…that technically is a relationship, but that’s not a real relationship…that’s just information. You know as much about them as you can find out about any celebrity on the internet.

We have to understand that having all this information makes it a one-way relationship at best and using the term “our clients” might even be give you a little insight into the truth about this.

Let’s reverse a few of these questions to find out if you have an actual relationship.

• Do they know your family and your kids?
• Do they stop by your home on a regular basis?
• Do they know your cell phone number?
• Do they know what you struggle with?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, real relationships are a two-way street. A relationship shows a connection between two or more parties. But if you know all this information about them and they know nothing about you, the connections are different. You are not equal in the relationship.

To be perfectly honest, if you were saying all these things about a celebrity instead of your client, we might be hearing your story on the news because you might just be in line for a restraining order as a stalker.

Relationships are hard and can get messy. Relationships include people sharing life together, something that is sadly missing in today’s society. After 15 years on the front lines of ministry I understand the need for boundaries and having time to recoup, but I need that from my own family once in a while.

Maybe it’s time we change the way we live out relationships in ministry and see what kind of amazing transformation can take place.